It’s that time of year again where I’m terrorised by the ginormous garden spiders that come in from July to October every year to make nests and lay their eggs…. yeah, one comes in, 400 go out…or not… I hate them, I hate them, I hate them and my neighbours have become used to the sound of blood curdling screams, more than likely they’re saying “Oh dear, Sarah’s found another spider!” and I can often be found, standing on a stool, goosebumps as big as pickled onions, hair on end, tearing my hair out in terror! “It’s just a spider” my husband gently says.. that’s right, just a spider-THE SIZE OF A DOG! Poor man, he’s bought me hypnosis MP3’s for spider phobia’s and even spider catchers, brilliant things about two feet long, a trigger on one end and a round brush like catcher which “humanely” disposes of the spider…you still have to walk with it to the nearest front door and across the road before you can let the thing go! “Just a spider” Of course, they are only the fastest running species of arachnid in the world, the size of a dog, as hairy as a dog, big hairy eyes watching you, scheming to walk all over your face while you sleep.
|Ehmm…..NOPE! NOPE NOPE!!!|
|May as well be reality!|
Speaking of spiders walking on your face while you sleep, that’s where my phobia came from…
My Stepfather’s family were Irish and his Uncle left him a cottage in rural Ireland, being an American, he won’t touch it, it’s still got the crane over the fireplace that Johnsie and his parents before him used to use to hang a kettle and make tea or soup…. back post Great Irish Famine time, he’s painted it of course and done up the guest room and the kitchen and bathroom, but the spiders, sweet heavens, THE SPIDERS…. You walk in after not being there for months and I swear, there is a blanket hanging from the ceiling, you have to (NOT ME!!!) go around with a vacuum for at least two hours before every sign of them is gone….. (and just leave that vacuum cleaner out in the shed, please!)
There was one night, I was twelve, we stayed there for a couple of months, don’t ask me how, while our house was being built in Galway, I woke up in the middle of the night and there was easily about fifty sliders in my bed, in my nightie, on my arm, pillow, under my duvet, on the duvet….it was like a scene from a horror movie! Yes I understand the inner walls might be damp and a few centuries old but WHY did they have to share my bed? The fire was lighting, the chimney was warm…why not there….spiders like dust, right??? That’s where my phobia comes from…
So whenever I see a small one now, I’m saying “NOPE, NOPE AND NOPE!!”
Didn’t a woman literally set fire to her house last week, trying to kill a spider? Yes, that will be me some day in the future!!…
My Father in law, bless him, I love that man, he understands my phobia, their house used to be crawling with Garden spiders every Autumn, so not only did he suggest the spider catcher that I have, he’s also suggested this sonic plug in gadget that (get this) not only deters rodents but keeps big spiders at bay! I now have three in my house, the catcher too! He also gave me a huge bunch of lavender from their garden to deter the wretched beasts, they don’t like that either…ever see a spider web on a lavender plant? Nope! So I have bags of it in the windows!
Lastly, I discovered….God bless Pinterest, that if you take a spray bottle, fill it with water, a teaspoon of lemon dishwashing liquid and citrus or lemon oil and spray it around vents, windows, doors….. under the sink…..keeps them far away. You see those nasty monsters, to add to their freakish looks, have their tastebuds on their feet-seriously! Could you imagine if that was us, tasting our shoes, even worse, in summer, everything we walk on, that’s just disgusting. Anyway, it supposedly works a charm….. so we shall see, this Autumn if those creatures come to taunt me…..
|THIS thing tortured me in my Mother’s house, it fell when I was using the loo and made a cracking sound…I almost died-NOPE!|
|The Sonic Repellant!|
|Battle Tools! ‘Spider Catcher’ & Spider Basher!|
|That Better Not Be True… THERE WILL BE FIRE!|